Cancer is not winning.

Although, at times, it does feel like the cure is kicking my ass.   It was much harder to recover from treatment #4–although, I still have to say that it could have been so much worse than it was.   I felt pretty sick and tired for a little over a week, but I’m  starting my ascent now.  Every day, I feel a bit better and I’m sure by Thursday, I’ll feel normal again.   Of course, Thursday is chemo #5, so that’s going to knock me back again.  I do have hope that the Taxol bit will not be as difficult.  Of course, if that’s true, I think I could safely say I breezed through chemo.   I’ve seen so many people who were genuinely sick, who have had excruciating bone pain from Neulasta, people who’ve had it far worse than I have.  What’s that Jimmy Buffet lyric?  “I can’t complain, but sometimes, I still do”.  Yeah.  Story of my life, I think.  I wasn’t really sick until #3.  And, even then–it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  As horrible as I feel sometimes, I really try to keep in mind that it could be worse.

I want to thank everyone who’s gone out of their way to make me feel better–and, I swear, I have no idea how to do that adequately.  I am surrounded by this blanket of love and support and I really do get a great deal of strength from that. Maybe cancer has the untended side effect of bringing out the Awesome Gene in people.

I AM starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know I still have radiation to get through, but that won’t last very long.  And, my next set of questions when I see my onc Thursday will include the “When can I get my port out?”.  I’m so not going to be one of those women who keeps her port in for the full 5 years.  M and I joke about my surgeon being totally Amish, because one of his points about the port was “I’ll keep it down low, in case you want to wear something low-cut.”.  HAHAHAHA.  His idea of low-cut and MY idea of low-cut are definitely not the same thing.  Don’t get me wrong–I still love my port.  I haven’t written that ode yet, but it’s humming around in my mind.  (Dear Frantic Googler–if your doctor gives you a choice?  GET. A.PORT.  I cannot say how much easier chemo has been because of mine.)

That said?  This is gonna have to go the second I don’t need it anymore. because there are things I have to do this summer:

I wonder if I painted petals around it and painted the middle yellow, I'd like it better as an accessory?

Oh, yeah–I’m rocking the pink wig.  It matches my suit and I do enjoy being color-coordinated with my beachwear.