a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

I will take Tuesday out for a nice dinner and possibly a movie.

Posted by wendy on 2011/09/13

My PET scan was all clear, which..intellectually, I was expecting it.   It’s still freaking awesome to hear your doctor give you that news.    I want to dance and sing and I really wish there was ice cream and cake.  (although, my birthday is coming up, so I’ll have that soon enough, right?)

I love my pink wig. I loved it before I had cancer. I'm so glad all the Pink in my life hasn't turned me against pink.

On a kind of serious note, I have a cyst on my left breast–it’s under some scar tissue and I’ve been kind of quietly freaking out about it for the past few weeks, even though it didn’t give me quite the same alarm bells that my tumor did.  The tumor?  It felt…wrong.  I would touch it and feel sick deep in my stomach, because it felt like a thing that Should Not Be.  The cyst?  It’s a little rolly piece of fluid–like I said, it’s just under some of my scar tissue, so for a while, I couldn’t tell if it was my scar or Something Else.  And, even when you feel pretty confident that it’s not THAT kind of a something, it’s still unnerving.  These things niggle at your brain, you know?  I showed my onc today and she wasn’t worried in the least–she feels it’s just a fluidy little cyst that’s set up at my surgery site, but just to be safe (and for my own peace of mind), I have an ultrasound on Friday.  I feel better just getting a bit of confirmation from her that the likelihood of cancer setting up in my other breast at this particular stage is very, very low.

On a very momentous note, My Frenemy, The Port is COMING OUT.  (where’s my Marching Band??  I need a Marching band!  Oh well–let’s settle for a yee-haw!)  She sees ‘no need’ for me to keep it, and she kind of echoed my sentiment that if I do need one down the road, then we can always put another one in.  I see my surgeon on Tuesday to get that particular ball rolling and maaan, Tuesday cannot get here soon enough.

On a depressing note, I admit that I have a bit of a slight hope that I will be able to time all of my upcoming things–ultrasound, surgery, refills, etc to happen before the end of  October.  Sigh.  I have been considering letting COBRA go.  I realize that this is a risky thing, but something has to give, because we have to eat and when half of my monthly income is going towards an insurance payment, it’s…gah.  It’s getting too hard to keep up.  My new job starts in October,  which means I will have some extra income coming in, but at this point…is it going to be enough?  sigh.  I don’t know.   For the first time in my life, I’m looking at bankruptcy as a possible option and it makes me sick to my stomach that it may come to that, but it could.

“Unless you’re a Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, you’re one illness away from financial ruin in this country,” says lead author Steffie Woolhandler, M.D., of the Harvard Medical School, in Cambridge, Mass. “If an illness is long enough and expensive enough, private insurance offers very little protection against medical bankruptcy, and that’s the major finding in our study.”  

Tell me about it, Steffie.  yeesh.

11 Responses to “I will take Tuesday out for a nice dinner and possibly a movie.”

  1. YAY YAY YAY and get the damn port out!

  2. part time at starbucks or trader joes = full health insurance it is so worth it, a little extra money, and trust me, you have major tests done yearly forever that will cost way more than health insurance…so you haveta…also in nc there is some uber low cost you can get through the state..call your insurance commissioner.

    lastly sigh, I know, but if you make little enough, there is medicaid….

    • wendy said

      My job in Oct will offer Blue Cross, which is going to be fantastic–but of course, it won’t kick in for at least 60 days. sigh. I AM looking at Medicaid, and it’s depressing me so much that I almost can’t breath. This year has definitely been a lesson in humility for me. :s

  3. CindyBeth said

    Hang onto those benefits if you can. With your new job could you set up a HSA? I switched over to that when my employer decided to charge close to COBRA rates just for an employee’s family coverage. I agree with the quote and I also know what you are going through financially. For the first time in my life, I too am looking down the barrel of foreclosure and bankruptcy…no fucking picnic…but it’s just money & a house. Those can be done again down the line…with good health. I’m so happy your scan came back clean. That’s awesome news!

    • wendy said

      I’mma be checking into it. Something HAS to give somewhere, and while I keep thinking ‘if I can just stay afloat til October, I’ll be fine”…there’s always the chance that I WON’T be. I’ve got Aaron helping me right now (or seriously, I’d be in the streets already).

      You’re right though–I mean, at least I’m going to be alive and bitching about my money situation. That really IS something. :D

  4. Adie said

    You took cancer out for a nice seafood dinner and you never called it again!

    As always, you’re in my thoughts. Everything will be okay.

  5. RE: Insurance…If you’ve met all your deductibles for the year, I say keep the insurance going until your new one kicks in. And slip in whatever other doc visits you can before years’ end. But I know it is hard.

    I have often said that we are all just one [very unfortunate] step away from falling through the cracks of financial ruin. It doesn’t take much. Not even the perfect storm of circumstances.

    CONGRATS on all your good news this week!! ;-) Port be gone!

    • wendy said

      omg–You have a very BIG point that hadn’t actually occurred to me yet. Cause, yeah. Deductibles have been met with this one.

      Thank you!!!! PORT BE GOOOONE!! *dances* I get all excited when I think about it. I can’t believe I’m looking forward to surgery–but oh yeaaah.

  6. Meeta said

    I’m so excited for you to be getting your port out, that’s really exciting news!

    As for the insurance, I got to agree with the rest of what’s been said on here. The deductibles, the HSA…But I also understand your sentiment of something’s gotta give- you’ve had a hard year lady! I hope by the 1st we can both be celebrating ;)

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