a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

Daily Nothing

Posted by wendy on 2010/11/21

It’s been a really low-key day.  Did a bit of housework here and there, but I haven’t left the house all day.  I keep watching myself for signs of depression, so I keep thinking “was I right to stay in all day?”, but I did get dressed and step outside for a bit and I did a bit of yoga.  I don’t think it’s the start of me becoming a hermit or anything, but I feel like I want to be careful about it, because it would be easy to do.  Since I’ve made the decision to go with reduction/lumpectomy, the high anxiety I was feeling has been downgraded to a bit of a low-grade kind of buzz in the back of my head.  Surgery still makes me nervous–as does recovery.  But, I think a lot of it is just fear of what they’ll find when they test my sentinel node.  Hopefully nothing, but then, I was under the impression the lump was nothing as well.  bah.  Things that are out of my control and do me no good whatsoever to dwell on for very long.

Beyond feeling quiet today, I still feel great.  I feel strong, I feel fit.  I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been.  Crazy, eh?

It’s so strange to know I’m sick because I don’t feel sick.  I won’t feel sick until they start trying to make me better.  That’s so screwed up, I think.

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