a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

it’s my last day to be ME.

Posted by wendy on 2010/12/09

Went to the hospital yesterday for my pre-op stuff–xrays, bloodwork, etc.  I always feel so alone and scared and fragile in those huge rooms by myself.  The technicians are very sweet and compassionate, but everything is so cold and sterile and it just creates this horrible feeling of isolation in me.  I know it’s something I need to get used to, because it’s going to be happening pretty often in the coming months, but I’m just not there yet.

I met the woman in charge of the Breast Cancer Support System (I’d have to check her card for her actual title–she’s an RN and very sweet) yesterday.  She was really fabulous and compassionate and basically told me what to expect tomorrow.

I feel like I should take my boobs out to dinner or something–it’s our last day together.  Tomorrow, there will be a whole new body part happening for me to get used to.    It really is my last day to be me–the me that I know now.  The me that I’ve worked really hard to become.  Tomorrow, my life changes.  Again.

 

I wonder if I will ever be able to look at this cute little pink ribbon pin they gave me in my Breast Cancer Handbook with anything beyond than hatred and fear?

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