a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

hating on insurance today

Posted by wendy on 2011/02/11

It’s so frustrating to have to deal with massive medical bills and then insurance companies that deny your procedures because they aren’t coded correctly, or because they lack a descriptor that is ‘necessary’ for coverage, and oh hey, on top of all that, I’m supposed to NOT stress out and just worry about getting well.  Granted, one of my great beliefs about life is that it is NOT FAIR.  Life is never fair–it’s hard and it’s bright and it’s beautiful and it’s ugly and it’s wonderful and it sucks.  Life is a lot of things, but it is not always ‘fair’.  I know this.  But, I still want to scream when I get a denial of benefits for a Nuelasta shot or for one of my surgical procedures.  It’s just insanely stupid, because there is a part of me that would really just like to BE a cancer patient.  To concentrate on ME and getting better again.  But, my insurance company could give a shit about my cancer.  They just want to make sure they get their $450 a month for my Cobra payment (for coverage they’d just as soon NOT provide, apparently.).   But, even when they do cover it–the 20% that falls to me is astronomical.  I wish I could defer all this financial stuff to October, when I’m through chemo and radiation and ready to take on more stress.  It feels so wrong sometimes that I can’t just concentrate on getting well.  It feels like that should be my priority.  Instead it gets shoved aside for all the other crap.  bah.

So.  Yes.  I AM stabby today.  My hair is spread about my lap like confetti, and while it seemed like I could handle it in theory (“Oh yeah, I can do bald.”), I have to admit that facing the hard reality of it is depressing me a little.  I know once it’s done, it will be done (shaving my head today–I am not into patchy bald spots.), and I’ll get through it and be fine again.  I think it’s just…knowing it’s my last day with my hair, coming home to the denial of benefits letter, and (of course) no paycheck, it’s just been a crap day.

Hey, physically, I’m good, though.  That’s rather excellent for the girl who had chemo yesterday, isn’t it?  🙂

2 Responses to “hating on insurance today”

  1. Ginger said

    At least something is going well. I was showing Alek (my 17yo) your doughnut picture last night and told him about you and what you’re going through. (He was impressed.) And it hit me how much change you’ve had to endure in such a short period of time. Hell, woman, you’re tough as nails. But I know how that goes…you’re as tough as you need to be, not because you want to be. Because what else are you going to do, ignore it all?? No, you’ve been dealt a pile of crap and it’s a lot to have on one plate, and you just deal. It’s what you do. But it’s not all bad. You’re tolerating the chemo remarkably well. That is something, and not a small something. I’m sorry about your hair. Another damn change. But this is just a season in your life. This too shall pass. But wouldn’t it be great if it passed faster?? Hang in there.

  2. wendy said

    You know, in a lot of ways, I think having all of this happen so quickly has been a good thing (I do tend to linger on stuff and vacillate about major decisions. If I’d had months to think about stuff, I may not be handling it so well (and I do think I’m doing fairly well so far. I have dark days and crap moments, sure–but I do know this will pass, and seriously, you HIT it when you said that we’re all as tough as we need to be. Because, what’s the alternative, you know? 🙂 ).

    I’m back from getting it all shaved, and I lived through it–it was kind of amusing, because I think the girl who shaved my head was closer to tears than I was over it. That actually helped me to NOT cry, because can you imagine the debacle in the salon with all the women standing around crying over my hair? hahaha!

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