a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

I need to dust this baby off

Posted by wendy on 2011/02/26

I made it through treatment #3!  Go me and my bad self.  Sadly, this was the end of my no-nausea streak.  Well, I say that, but I never actually GOT sick.  I just felt really bad afterward.  I slept most of the evening and by Friday morning I felt okay again.  I say okay, because I’m obviously not 100%.  I can’t remember the last time I was 100%, which is kind of a shame, but I’m actually getting more and more okay with that as well.  How many times can I use the word “okay” in this blog post?  We shall see, won’t we?

I am powering through this really well, I think.  My blood levels have gotten right back up where they need to be every time (thank you, Neulasta), and I can feel myself getting stronger as the days progress.  Of course, I can also feel a bit of dread building as the days progress, too.  Because I know that chemo will knock me back down, and then I have to go through the entire process of getting back up again.  But, I AM doing it (the getting back up bit)–so far, at least.

My onc (whom, seriously–I LOVE HER.  She’s awesome) says that the AC bit is the worst bit of chemo.  And, I’ve already made it through 3 treatments.  One more and then we start the “T” part.  4 rounds of Taxol, and then I am done with it.  Fin.  That bit really excited me, because I am almost halfway through my chemo treatments.  I hope I can continue to feel this good and positive about it.  It’s not that I don’t have dark days or moments–I do (hell, all you have to do is read back to see some of them), but I’ve heard such horrible things about what chemo does to you, and I kind of feel like I’ve managed to avoid the worst bits.   I lost my hair, and that hurts, but it will grow back.  In fact, I have this mad, mad hope that I’ll have hair again by M’s birthday, although, I may not have much, and will probably still wear a wig when we go out.  Speaking of wigs!  I finally settled on a long blond wig from paulayoung.com (must less expensive than the local wig shop–I know my insurance pays for 80% of my wig, but it would mean forking over $400 and then waiting to be reimbursed, and that’s an entire Cobra payment right there–I can’t afford it.).

Most days, I just wear one of my (gorgeous!) hats that my friends have given me–or the past few days, it’s been super warm, so I’ve been rocking the bandanna do-rag (My head is a NO-TURBAN ZONE.), but there are times that I would kind of rather fade into the background than be the center of attention–and seriously, people have NO SENSE of propriety when it comes to bald girls.  I’m getting used to the stares*, but I don’t like them.  (*some are kind, some are pitying, some are curious, some are rude.  pfft.)  Now, I have a disguise.  YAY.


2 Responses to “I need to dust this baby off”

  1. Amy Stine said

    You’re so beautiful. Seriously, I didn’t think you could be a more amazing or more beautiful soul than when I first ‘met’ you on Flickr. But you’ve gone so far beyond the kind of person I already thought you were. You inspire me so much. Even on the bad days, you still manage to inspire people with your strength and positive attitude. I’ve been thinking of you a lot, and sending all the positive vibes your way (telepathically lol). Big hugs. Remember, you’re loved, dear. We are all rooting for you!

  2. wendy said

    Oh man. I have been wanting to get back here and tell you thank you, but I keep welling up and it makes me all congested. ❤ hahaha Thank you so much. I get a great deal of strength from you guys, just so you know. love.

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