a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

The future’s so bright, I gotta wear my transitional lenses.

Posted by wendy on 2011/08/10

So, I’m at the gym last night–all-out, balls-out on the elliptical, and I can see (with my peripheral vision) the guy on the treadmill next to me keeps looking my way.  I didn’t think much of it, because people look around the gym all the time and I figure he’s looking beyond me or something until around my minute 40, when he says “HEY!”.  sigh.  I pull out my earbuds and give him my most polite “What?”–okay, I realize that “What?” is probably not polite, but I kind of think that it’s not very polite to yell “HEY” at someone who is pouring sweat and very obviously concentrating on their workout.  So, he has my attention, and…he starts chatting.  CHATTING.  The weather/working out/his job/his heart rate.  Seriously.  SERIOUSLY.  I mean, I do not glisten when I work out, and I do not have a fabulously sexy sheen–I generally have sweat rolling down my entire body and I feel quite sure my face isn’t all relaxed into a ‘come-hither’ pout–so, I’m not sure where he got that I was up for an in-depth discussion about how hot it’s been around here lately.  I finally pulled the “I can’t breathe correctly and talk at the same time” card and put my earbuds back in and finished my workout.  A. was not surprised, he says the gym is totally a meat market.  I say the gym is the place I go to work out.  I realize it’s a novel concept, but I am hoping it will catch on.

On the work front, I have a job offer that is starting in October, but I don’t want to jinx it, so I’m not going to talk about it here.  I can’t thank the people who helped me get through this rough patch enough.  I had a little mini-village seeing to my needs and it made me feel so blessed and loved.  I just have to make it through the next few months, though–I think my horizon is getting brighter, slowly, but surely.  In the meantime, I have a base-line PET scan and follow-up visits to get through, and M is bringing me out to be with him for a bit, so I think I’ll fill up the time between now and then so that it goes by speedy-quick.

On the post-cancer front…the tamoxifen  is still causing hot flashes and they are so miserable in this heat, but it’s only around 3-maybe 4 a day–it’s nothing I can’t live with, especially knowing that they’ll eventually fade into nothing.  (and I feel sure they will–everything my onc  has told me has happened, so I see no reason not to believe her with this as well)

My Aunt Puppy tried to style my hair into a faux hawk this weekend, but it refused to stay. (I used the blow dryer this morning and it worked!)

3 months, 5 days after chemo, my hair is just insane.  It’s come back everywhere–head, eyebrows, eyelashes,  arms, legs (shaving every day again–hee.), etc.    And, it’s straight as a board, which makes me very, very happy because I loved my straight-as-a-board hair.  (again–if you have curly hair, please do not take offense.  Why do people take offense to that?  I do not know, but I have run into a few.  Here is the thing–I love curly hair on other people–I hate it on me.  That should not reflect on anyone else.  ahem.)

I received the approval from COBRA yesterday for my baseline PET scan, and I had a moment of petulance over it–I think because I’ve been enjoying the ‘it’s over’ feelings I’ve had the past few weeks, and the letter was a reminder that it’s not entirely over.  The next five years–well, the rest of my life, really–there must be check-ups and meds and scans.  I do struggle with the thought that I won’t ever be ‘free’ of cancer’s shadow.  I hate that part, you know?  I expect the next few years will be spent trying to find the balance of living my life without fear, but staying diligent and watchful ‘just in case’.  I WILL find it.  It’s all just a matter of time.

3 Responses to “The future’s so bright, I gotta wear my transitional lenses.”

  1. Jocelyn said

    First off – LOVE you. Second – you are gorgeous. Third – woot for getting hit on at the gym. Fourth – yay for the job (shhhhhhh) 🙂

  2. wendy said

    hahaha–THE GYM. That’s the first time it’s happened since chemo, so I think I have officially lost the ‘cancer patient’ look, so that IS a good thing. But, maan, I need a “I’m taken” t-shirt or something. hee. love you back. ❤

  3. Meeta said

    I think that’s what makes them come hither more. When you have the I’m taken vibe going for you 🙂 Glad to hear you’re doing so well!

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