a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

Holy crap I have a lot to say today!!

Posted by wendy on 2011/09/29

In a way, I regret starting a blog here.  I don’t regret blogging again–I’d forgotten how much I enjoy it (once upon a time, Dear Frantic Googler, there was a girl named skits who wrote a blog called Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins and she was very, very happy).  My biggest issue is the name “a little c”.  Granted, I started this so I could discuss my (swashbuckling!) adventures with cancer, and I also realize that even though this particular jaunt is over, there is always the chance that a sequel will spring up (“a little c2: electric boogaloo!”) and I will spend the next 5 years taking tamoxifen every day and having yearly PET scans and mammograms and all the other little extra things you have to do once you’ve been diagnosed with cancer.  So, it’s not like  I’ll wind up with nothing to discuss around here, cancer-wise.

But.

There is so much more to ME than breast cancer.  I feel like…if I allow cancer to overtake my online presence, if cancer is all I talk/blog/create about–then I may as well just rename this blog to THEHUGEGINORMOUSBIGCTHATSUCKEDAWAYEVERYTHINGIUSEDTOBE (dot wordpress dot com) because even if it didn’t kill me,  I’ve let cancer score the last point by allowing it to take over my life.  I swore to myself I wouldn’t let that happen.   But, my name has put me into a niche –“breast cancer blogger”.  Which…oh FINE.  Yes.  That’s what I am right now.

But.

The internet version of me is just a snapshot. It's not the entire picture.

I’m also an artist.  I’m an explorer.  A shiftless dreamer.  A hopeless romantic.  A caffeine addict.  I like Boca burgers and dark chocolate and sushi. I believe in God, but if you send me an email full of animated doves and dancing roses telling me I need to resend it to everyone I know so they’ll know that I believe in God, I will delete it without blinking once.  I’m fiscally moderate, but socially?  I’m big bleeding heart liberal.  I voted for Reagan.  I also voted for Obama and will do so again because I think the GOP has, for lack of a better term, completely lost their shit over the last  few years.  I cringe every time I hear someone say that Fox News is ‘fair and balanced’.   I can’t discuss health care without getting super emotional because having cancer has ruined me financially and the idea that I have to choose between keeping my house insurance or keeping up my COBRA payments is abhorrent and I don’t think that’s a choice anyone should have to make.   I don’t own a soapbox, but I do keep a rental on standby just in case I need to climb up onto it.  I am a breast cancer survivor and I can’t seem to be as outraged by Komen as I kind of feel I need to be when I read other blogs.  Where is my outrage?  Maybe I spent it all on the healthcare debate.  Maybe it’s a slow burn and in a few years, I’ll explode with righteous anger.  I like horror movies.  I love books.   I hate Twilight.   I love photography.  (especially horror photography, much to the chagrin of my sister)  I like to cook and my specialty is carnitas.  I can be melodramatic and I can be the only calm one in the bunch.  I will hold your head when you vomit, because puke doesn’t bother me, but if you spit in front of me, I get queasy and you may have to hold MINE.  I only drive stick shifts.  Even when my hair was down to my waist, I wore wigs for fun.  I smell like chocolate.   I’m a mom, a sister, a daughter.  I’m a lover, not a fighter.   I’m a bitc….If I keep this up, it’ll turn into a Meredith Brooks song, so I’ll stop right here.

Wow.  I digressed from the whole “Maaaan, why did I name my blog ‘a little c’?” thing, didn’t I?  .

SO.  I could stay the all cancer channel here and start a new blog somewhere else, but I’m far too lazy to do that so I think I’m going to stick with this.  Sometimes, there will be talk of cancer, because that is something that has happened to me, and will continue to happen…but, there are lots of other c words I like.  Candy.  Caffeine.  Coke.  Chanel.  Coffee.  Chihuahuas.   Because, ultimately, this is the ME channel.  All me, all the time.  Wendy 24/7.

Stay tuned.

19 Responses to “Holy crap I have a lot to say today!!”

  1. heathre said

    i love the ‘all wendy, all the time’ channel. you rock, my friend.
    xoxo

  2. Cindy/Beth said

    I hope you don’t eat Boca burgers, chocolate and sushi all at the same time. ewww. 🙂 And I have enough outrage at breast cancer for a whole bunch of Wendy’s…it took my mom from me 28 years ago and sometimes that anger is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. *hugs*

    • wendy said

      ooo…outrage at breast cancer, I totally get that. Cancer can suck it. I think maybe that’s why I’m not terribly angry about it–I feel so damn lucky to be alive, to have made it through this as easily as I have. It could have been so much worse.

  3. Kathy said

    I say the c should stand for “COULD NOT BE MORE AWESOME”.

    • wendy said

      Or “COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE MORE AWESOME FRIENDS, AND YET–HEY, THERE THEY ARE, BEING EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THEY WERE THE DAY BEFORE” dot wordpress dot com.

  4. Devious said

    I always thought-from the tagline of ‘because I refuse to give it a big one’-that this blog was never going to be about cancer.

    It was going to be about you. Sure, the switch that got things back in motion may have been your diagnosis but from the get-go. you were not going to be about cancer.

    It just happened to be on your mind a lot.

    I certainly feel for this, as the blogs I have seem to focus on two things and by their nature, have to. I don’t have a space for ‘me’ exactly. Nevertheless, I don’t believe you have to justify what you want to talk about here, because you’ve already said (in multiple ways) that you have more to talk about than being ill.

    • wendy said

      🙂 I like your focus. It’s where it should be, beerwise. mmmm…beer.

      I other have friends who walk that line of clear focus–my friend Lauren blogs primarily about breast cancer, but she does it in this way that you can see other aspects of her life and thought processes, and Kathy does safemama, which has a primary focus as well–but you still see who they are through all of that AND they help people. I don’t know that I have the skill or discipline. I’m not putting myself down here, I just know what I can and cannot do.

      And I really LIKE that you never thought this blog would be about cancer. ❤

  5. heshta said

    I don’t come here to read about cancer. I come here to read about you, and you’re one Crazy Cool Cat for sure. xoxo

  6. GinGirlJen said

    You rock! Can I like, +1, comment, save, fav, share, and all of the above? I agree whole heartily and more. A bloody, red, pumping full of life and emotion heart. This blog is all that you want to make of it. Enjoy.

  7. statia said

    I’m so glad you’re blogging again. SIMSVILLE!! We NEED simsville.

  8. I don’t see you as letting cancer define you at all. AT. ALL. It defined a portion of your life, as have other events that I was along for the ride on as they unfurled while you were blogging elsewhere.

    I will henceforward think to myself that ‘c’ stands for ‘CRUNK’. You, oh Wendy are a little crunk. YO.

    • wendy said

      omg. Dude. It’s the “YO” that really sells it for me. Also, I totally have the crunk badge on foursquare–they knew what I was. booya!

  9. I’m in your boat, little “c.” I named my blog Big C (not realizing, really, the importance in choosing a blog name with legs). Sometimes I feel stuck with the Big C. Sometimes I don’t care at all. In the end, it’s just a word. That stands for something. That I write about. But not always.

    I enjoy your blog, no matter what you call it. Because you do give us all Wendy, all the time — and that’s what matters!

    😉

    -Renn

    • wendy said

      Ah, thanks so much Renn! Yeah, we’re chained to the name, but we do get to talk about anything we like, don’t we? I need to remember that. 😉

  10. […] I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life talking about it.   I’ve talked about this before, I […]

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