a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

There is a fine layer of dust all around me

Posted by wendy on 2011/12/10

It’s been a while since I updated here, and really–that’s so lax of me, because years from now, I’m going to look back on this blog and think…what happened to November? And…since I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, chances are, November of 2011 will be a mystery to me unless I document it. πŸ˜‰

So, without further ado, in November of 2011…

…I started a new job and I LOVE it. It still affords me the time to do my online social media gig, it’s bringing badly needed extra income into the household, and it gets me out of the house and into real, actual clothing every day. I was getting far too comfy in my jim jams, people. That had to stop.

Stoopit hair will NOT do what I want it to do!!! GRRR.

…I went home to Michigan and spent Thanksgiving with my family. I don’t even have words for how awesome that was. M flew over, and we road-tripped it up from Alabama to Michigan. Giving him a tour of the highways and interstates of my youth was so much fun. He met my Dad and my Grandma and he slipped right into my family like he’d been there all along. We left Saturday morning and on the way back stopped off to spend the day doing a bit of urbex with some really good friends of mine in Detroit. Many amazing and awesome images were made that day.

…I have watched in a bit of glee, but mostly horror as my hair continues to grow into cute little curly rings around my head. I remember people telling me that my hair would grow back curly and maaan, that made me all angsty and angry, because I have never wanted curly hair. And, I will admit now that when people said it to me, I thought “Nope. Not me. NOT MY HAIR.”. Because even after all this time, I am still firmly convinced that I can pretty much make my body do whatever I want it to do through sheer force of will. I wonder if I will ever learn that I cannot do that? I kind of hope I don’t. Stubborn optimism is not a bad trait to have, I think.

…I would like to say that I’ve been emotionally and physically preparing for my surgery next Tuesday. But, what I’ve really been doing is avoiding thinking about it.

…I have lost friends and gained friends. It all equals out in the end, and if I’ve learned nothing else this year, it is this: If it is toxic and/or makes me feel bad, I do not want it. Period.

…I have gained a very unwanted 10 pounds–I’m not going to the gym like I should, and the tamoxifen has a way of making me feel very, very lethargic. It’s frustrating, but I’m not going to freak out over it, because I know it’s a temporary way of being. I’ve started a new job, I’m taking drugs that make me tired, but, it’s only been a very short time, and I will figure out a way to work around it and get back where I’m used to being.

Time. I have like to think I have that now. It makes me smile.

20 Responses to “There is a fine layer of dust all around me”

  1. amanda said


  2. Lauren said

    Girl, i love you. That simple.

    Thanks for being my friend.


  3. heathre said

    sounds like a fantastic november xoxox
    (and happy birthday to your boobies!)

  4. Joelle said

    First, you know I adore you. DUH. πŸ™‚

    Second, once it’s longer, try to embrace the girls. They can be super awesome of you don’t fight then. I had to learn to but now it’s so much easier to maintain. Besides, it looks cute!

    • Joelle said

      Not girls. Curls. But you can embrace girls. I bet M would like that. πŸ˜‰

      • wendy said

        AHAHAHA! He so totally would. I think once it’s a bit longer and I don’t look like a poodle, I’ll actually like it a lot. It’s such WORK right now, though. Yeesh. Short straight hair is easy–short curly hair means fixing your hair EVERY DAY. I’m too lazy for that.

        I love you, man. ❀

      • Ms. Pants said

        Ahahahahaha! Thank god you clarified. I was like “girls? dude?”

        Try http://www.naturallycurly.com They’ve got lots of good tips, even a section about chemo curls. (Whoa, just had a wicked deja vu–there’s a glitch in the matrix!)

        For me, “fixing” means rubbing gunk around on my head and then accepting whatever happens. Sometimes it’s awesome curls. Other days, it’s a Nick Nolte mugshot. Eh. I just accept it and go on.

      • wendy said

        GIRLS. heee. Thanks for the link, girly. I’ma try some stuff. Maybe it’ll help me hate it all less–at least til it hits my shoulders. πŸ˜‰

  5. feistybluegecko said

    Great to hear your update, and wonderful that the blog is reflecting all of the good things going on. I had to smile about the curls – I LOVED my chemo curls! I used to have to pay to get curls, and here they were, sprouting all by themselves. In the wrong colour though! They did not last though, and my hair is back to its flat, straight previous life, so don’t worry, you will get yours back too πŸ™‚

    • wendy said

      It’s because I’m sooo lazy. I hate fixing my hair and I have to every day now. laaaazy. heee. (and YAY!! I so hope mine straightens out a bit, too) xxx

  6. So nice to see you all pretty and smiling πŸ™‚
    It’s been forever, I know. I rarely get online anymore (grad school has engulfed my existence), but I had this holidays nostalgia for my Flickr friends, and you’re the one I always check first. I’m so happy to see you happy and to see that you and that hot guy are still going strong. Your new hair is adorable.

    I hope you have the merriest of all Christmases and that 2012 compensates for all the crap you went through this year. Let’s see if I find the courage to grab my camera again in 2012.

    Love you,

    M. (Sorgine)

    • wendy said

      Love you, lady! It’s so nice to see you poking your head out into the world to say hi. πŸ˜€ If–no–WHEN I get back to SoCal, we have to lunch. ❀

  7. Margaret said

    You. Are. Awesome. So glad I got to be be a part of your November. xoxoxo

  8. A said

    Hi there; new reader from your facebook meme rant here, and a fellow survivor. Just wanted to mention that when my curls came in post-chemo, I watched seasons 2 and 3 of Felicity and got lots of good ideas on what to do with my hair during the awkward phases, since Keri Russell had the same situation going on for a couple of years (without the cancer, obvs).

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