a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

Archive for the ‘Not Everything is about cancer’ Category

I wanna be a lover, not a fighter

Posted by wendy on 2012/01/20

My artwork is full of fighty imagery--in reality, I've only been in one fistfight in my entire life--I was 12, he broke my wrist. I've dedicated my life to loooove since then, people.

Really, I do.  I’ve pondered my Other Side choices here before–there is so much more to me than the cancer survivor label, and there is a part of me that rages against making that one of the important things about me.  I want to move ON.  I want to be past all of it.

Of course, the truth is that I’ll never be completely past any of it.  I will spend the rest of my life sweating out test results and keeping an eagle eye out for every lump and bump that shows up on my body.  That’s not going to go away or stop.  But, I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life talking about it.   I’ve talked about this before, I know.

We’ll discuss stuff here when it comes up, and I am more than happy to be your go-to example for a survivor’s perspective on email forwards or C&P’s on Facebook…but, there is more.  There is so much more.  There is life to be lived–and a thing I really love right now is how very little the c-word comes up in day to day conversations.

In boring fitness news, my body haaates me this week because I’ve gotten back into yoga, which I love–how do we get out of the habits of healthy living so quickly?  I was at the gym nearly every day, and then suddenly I’m right back working an ass-groove into the couch.   It flummoxes me when I think about how very, very lazy I have become–especially as a proponent of “healthy living saved my life!”.  I mean, that remains true.  And, I want to liiiive, people.  I have way to much stuff to do this year and I cannot allow that groove to get any deeper.  Yeesh.

In other news, I am indeed off to England this April and feels so far away, but it gives me time to get my cardio back up where it should be (because the entire country is UPHILL.  BOTH WAYS.) while I wait.

*waits*

PS – aw, this is my 100th post!  Finally.

Posted in Not Everything is about cancer | 6 Comments »

There is a fine layer of dust all around me

Posted by wendy on 2011/12/10

It’s been a while since I updated here, and really–that’s so lax of me, because years from now, I’m going to look back on this blog and think…what happened to November? And…since I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, chances are, November of 2011 will be a mystery to me unless I document it. 😉

So, without further ado, in November of 2011…

…I started a new job and I LOVE it. It still affords me the time to do my online social media gig, it’s bringing badly needed extra income into the household, and it gets me out of the house and into real, actual clothing every day. I was getting far too comfy in my jim jams, people. That had to stop.

Stoopit hair will NOT do what I want it to do!!! GRRR.

…I went home to Michigan and spent Thanksgiving with my family. I don’t even have words for how awesome that was. M flew over, and we road-tripped it up from Alabama to Michigan. Giving him a tour of the highways and interstates of my youth was so much fun. He met my Dad and my Grandma and he slipped right into my family like he’d been there all along. We left Saturday morning and on the way back stopped off to spend the day doing a bit of urbex with some really good friends of mine in Detroit. Many amazing and awesome images were made that day.

…I have watched in a bit of glee, but mostly horror as my hair continues to grow into cute little curly rings around my head. I remember people telling me that my hair would grow back curly and maaan, that made me all angsty and angry, because I have never wanted curly hair. And, I will admit now that when people said it to me, I thought “Nope. Not me. NOT MY HAIR.”. Because even after all this time, I am still firmly convinced that I can pretty much make my body do whatever I want it to do through sheer force of will. I wonder if I will ever learn that I cannot do that? I kind of hope I don’t. Stubborn optimism is not a bad trait to have, I think.

…I would like to say that I’ve been emotionally and physically preparing for my surgery next Tuesday. But, what I’ve really been doing is avoiding thinking about it.

…I have lost friends and gained friends. It all equals out in the end, and if I’ve learned nothing else this year, it is this: If it is toxic and/or makes me feel bad, I do not want it. Period.

…I have gained a very unwanted 10 pounds–I’m not going to the gym like I should, and the tamoxifen has a way of making me feel very, very lethargic. It’s frustrating, but I’m not going to freak out over it, because I know it’s a temporary way of being. I’ve started a new job, I’m taking drugs that make me tired, but, it’s only been a very short time, and I will figure out a way to work around it and get back where I’m used to being.

Time. I have like to think I have that now. It makes me smile.

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