a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

Posts Tagged ‘give me a molehill & I’ll make it a mountain’

While I have your attention….

Posted by wendy on 2012/01/14

I don't have any relevant shots to post today, so I'll give you this self portrait, instead. If you meet me on the street, please don't mention my huge bulbous red nose. I'm very sensitive about it.

Oh hi, New People.  It’s been super fun to interact with you and meet so many of you during Wendy’s Wild and Ironic Ride on the Meme Train.  (seriously, I love that my complaint about viral updates turned into a viral update.  That was pretty cool.) You’re awesome.  Oh yes, I’m looking right at you when I say it.  Because you know you are.  If you want to stick around, I’ll do my best to keep it interesting around here.  Deal?  Deal.

So, this week, I am the Go-To Girl for snappy retorts to stupid cancer memes on Facebook.  I’m okay with that.  Next week, we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled program of Me Hating My Curly, Curly Hair, and I have a Nutella and Sea Salt Fudge recipe that you  need to try and report back to me–or send to me.   (mmmm, fudge)  But, we’re going to toss out one more meme before we get to that.

We’ve discussed the Facebook cut and paste phenomenon here, and I have mentioned one of the many versions of the following Facebook forward before, but we’ll give this dead horse one more THWACK before we let it go, okay?  A friend of mine–a cancer survivor, no less–received this the other day.  She was torn, because it was sent to her by a friend, and she didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings by telling her how it made her feel.   (so…if none of your cancer warrior friends have complained to you when you send them this stuff?  It is more than likely because they’re concerned about hurting you–so, maybe before you hit send, take a minute and think about their feelings.  Please.)

Let’s all take a minute and just…absorb the next few paragraphs, m’kay?

In support of Breast Cancer Awareness…So we all remember last year’s game of writing your bra color as your status? Or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Last year, so many people took part that it made national news and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the statuses mean…keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message) this to all your female friends! It’s time to confuse the men again (not that it’s really that hard to do ;]) The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the GIRLS ONLY and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went around all over the world. Your status should say: “I am going to________________for___________ months.”

The day you were born should be for how many months you are going.

January–Mexico; February– London; March–Miami; April–Dominican Republic; May–France; June– St Petersburg; July–Austria; August–Germany; September–New York; October–Amsterdam; November– Las Vegas;December–Hawaii

I know so many cancer fighters and survivors who get stuff like this.  I’m one of them–because apparently, people think that since we had cancer–especially breast cancer, because that’s somehow the SEXY cancer (???? Really?),  we’re really appreciate cute and coy ‘don’t tell the boys’ memes about our bras.  Seriously, there are more ‘flirty’ email forwards for breast cancer than I can begin to count.  It’s depressing.  But, that is a rant for another day.  Where was I?

Oh yes.  Many of us don’t complain, because so many times it’s our friends and our family that send these things to us, and we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Well…I’ll will go ahead and be the Bad Guy here.  That’s not okay, y’all.  It’s not . There is NO PART of that email that is okay.  And, don’t you dare say to me “it’s a bit of fun”, because co-oping cancer for flirty fun puts you firmly in the ‘insensitive and clueless’ category.   (Yes, I just called you insensitive and clueless.   Good thing you’re reading this, because now you can move over into the  sensitive and aware category if you choose to do so.)  😉

Even if we try to look past the asinine nature of the meme, “we’re going to raise awareness by keeping it a secret from the men!”–Wait.  No.  No.  I’m sorry, I can’t get past that at all.  Men get breast cancer, too.  MEN GET BREAST CANCER, TOO.  God, people.  GOD.  Nothing in that email  has a single thing to do with cancer.  Nothing.  It’s a game.  It’s a forward.  It’s a meme.  It’s useless.  And, it is by-GOD so insulting to the people who have to fight this disease every day.  If you want to participate in silly Facebook memes, then by all means–do so.  But, how DARE you have the gall to do it under the guise  of “it’s for cancer!”.   How. Dare. You.

The fact that the bra meme ‘went around the world’ is nothing to be proud of, dammit.  You want shame?  That’s a shame, right there.

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , | 47 Comments »

Change is inevitable. And scary. But good.

Posted by wendy on 2011/10/02

Our lives can spin out of control so quickly–and when you’re first diagnosed with cancer, the whirlwind you find yourself in does not seem to stop–ever.  I told a friend today it’s like busting through a series of brick walls.  You get through one, and there is another one standing directly in your path.  It’s the nature of it.  I’ve got this…idea of a quote I’ve read somewhere about tempering steel–and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a blacksmith banging a sword against the wall in order to make it sharper, so maybe I’m mixing up analogies.  Hang on, while I hit google,  will you?  Go get something to drink–or, if you like, go on and hit the link to the Boobiethon and peruse around for a few minutes, and I’ll meet you back here in 2 minutes!  Okay, I’m back and I found it!

The fire of adversity will melt you like butter, or temper you like steel. The choice is yours.

YAY!  I really like that quote.  Of course, in the time that I ran around google to find that quote, I also found more really cool clown make-up ideas, a recap of last Thursday’s Project Runway, and a dreamy picture that my friend Emily posted on my wall of Dylan Moran and I kind of lost the thread of this  post.  I am easily distracted by shiny things.

Now and Then

THREADS!  Yes, I know where I was going with this.  I fought so hard against the idea that cancer would change me.  I liked me!  I didn’t want me to change, to be different–I didn’t want to lose my breasts, I didn’t want to lose my hair, I didn’t want to be anything other than the girl I saw in the mirror in November of 2010.  The thing is…we all change.  I mean, that’s what life IS.  Things happen to all of us, good and bad, and we hit the brick wall or get tossed into the fire and then we come out..different.  So, maybe the ‘change’ bit is out of our control–but we can control the outcome.  Having breast cancer changed me–I mean, literally–helloooo to the Now and Then next to this paragraph.

So..yeah.  I’m different.  And, I fought so hard against it, but once I decided to accept the reality of what had happened to me, suddenly….I was okay with the changes–physical and mental.  I’m stronger and wiser and there are days that I am steel and fire and seriously, brick walls need to STEP OFF.  um…lest I give the impression of being a Super Hero here , there are also days that getting out of bed and getting dressed to leave the house feels like an insurmountable task.  But, even the ‘bad’ days and moments are tinged with this sense of being grateful to be here to experience the highs and lows of being alive.

My Aunt Puppy told me I ‘have a glow’ about me now.   I told her it was the hot flashes.  😉

It’s Day 2 of the Boobiethon, and as I mentioned, I am the Bloggers Helping Bloggers recipient this year, and I am overwhelmed and completely out of ways to show how grateful I am to everyone who has donated this year.  I have alternated between fits of weeping and elation and introspection and I feel so humbled by the outpouring of help that’s been thrown my way.  I had $2.82 in my bank account on Friday–we were drowning and you guys have thrown us a lifeline.  So, thank you.  Thank you from me, thank you from my son, thank you from Pip and thank you from Emma.

Here I am again.  Grateful to be alive to experience something beyond any expectations that I had.

Thank you so much for that.

Thank you.

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Holy crap I have a lot to say today!!

Posted by wendy on 2011/09/29

In a way, I regret starting a blog here.  I don’t regret blogging again–I’d forgotten how much I enjoy it (once upon a time, Dear Frantic Googler, there was a girl named skits who wrote a blog called Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins and she was very, very happy).  My biggest issue is the name “a little c”.  Granted, I started this so I could discuss my (swashbuckling!) adventures with cancer, and I also realize that even though this particular jaunt is over, there is always the chance that a sequel will spring up (“a little c2: electric boogaloo!”) and I will spend the next 5 years taking tamoxifen every day and having yearly PET scans and mammograms and all the other little extra things you have to do once you’ve been diagnosed with cancer.  So, it’s not like  I’ll wind up with nothing to discuss around here, cancer-wise.

But.

There is so much more to ME than breast cancer.  I feel like…if I allow cancer to overtake my online presence, if cancer is all I talk/blog/create about–then I may as well just rename this blog to THEHUGEGINORMOUSBIGCTHATSUCKEDAWAYEVERYTHINGIUSEDTOBE (dot wordpress dot com) because even if it didn’t kill me,  I’ve let cancer score the last point by allowing it to take over my life.  I swore to myself I wouldn’t let that happen.   But, my name has put me into a niche –“breast cancer blogger”.  Which…oh FINE.  Yes.  That’s what I am right now.

But.

The internet version of me is just a snapshot. It's not the entire picture.

I’m also an artist.  I’m an explorer.  A shiftless dreamer.  A hopeless romantic.  A caffeine addict.  I like Boca burgers and dark chocolate and sushi. I believe in God, but if you send me an email full of animated doves and dancing roses telling me I need to resend it to everyone I know so they’ll know that I believe in God, I will delete it without blinking once.  I’m fiscally moderate, but socially?  I’m big bleeding heart liberal.  I voted for Reagan.  I also voted for Obama and will do so again because I think the GOP has, for lack of a better term, completely lost their shit over the last  few years.  I cringe every time I hear someone say that Fox News is ‘fair and balanced’.   I can’t discuss health care without getting super emotional because having cancer has ruined me financially and the idea that I have to choose between keeping my house insurance or keeping up my COBRA payments is abhorrent and I don’t think that’s a choice anyone should have to make.   I don’t own a soapbox, but I do keep a rental on standby just in case I need to climb up onto it.  I am a breast cancer survivor and I can’t seem to be as outraged by Komen as I kind of feel I need to be when I read other blogs.  Where is my outrage?  Maybe I spent it all on the healthcare debate.  Maybe it’s a slow burn and in a few years, I’ll explode with righteous anger.  I like horror movies.  I love books.   I hate Twilight.   I love photography.  (especially horror photography, much to the chagrin of my sister)  I like to cook and my specialty is carnitas.  I can be melodramatic and I can be the only calm one in the bunch.  I will hold your head when you vomit, because puke doesn’t bother me, but if you spit in front of me, I get queasy and you may have to hold MINE.  I only drive stick shifts.  Even when my hair was down to my waist, I wore wigs for fun.  I smell like chocolate.   I’m a mom, a sister, a daughter.  I’m a lover, not a fighter.   I’m a bitc….If I keep this up, it’ll turn into a Meredith Brooks song, so I’ll stop right here.

Wow.  I digressed from the whole “Maaaan, why did I name my blog ‘a little c’?” thing, didn’t I?  .

SO.  I could stay the all cancer channel here and start a new blog somewhere else, but I’m far too lazy to do that so I think I’m going to stick with this.  Sometimes, there will be talk of cancer, because that is something that has happened to me, and will continue to happen…but, there are lots of other c words I like.  Candy.  Caffeine.  Coke.  Chanel.  Coffee.  Chihuahuas.   Because, ultimately, this is the ME channel.  All me, all the time.  Wendy 24/7.

Stay tuned.

Posted in "Not Cancer" | Tagged: , , , , , | 19 Comments »

Change is the New Normal

Posted by wendy on 2011/04/22

Chemo #7 went off without a hitch yesterday.  My blood count is the lowest it’s been yet, but apparently, my onc has discovered that my insurance company had already okay’d TWO Neulasta shots for me, and the pharmacy had sent over two, so I have one left–I’m getting it this morning!  *dances*  This should help shoot my blood count right back up where it should be and that will keep me on track for my May 5 finish date.  I haven’t mentioned here that my onc is pregnant, so I met with the doc who will be taking over her patients when she goes out on maternity leave yesterday–loved her, too.  She’s chatty, like me, and I think we broke the morning schedule with our bonding.  😉 It’s nice to know that when I go in for my follow-up visits, I will, yet again, be dealing with a doctor that I really LIKE.  Lucky girl, that’s me.

In addition to the most excellent Neulasta news, we also discussed the fact that I’m moving into the radiation phase, so she’s set up a preliminary appointment with a radiologist next Friday.  And, that’s when the fear hit me.

I am actually afraid to finish chemo.  I mean, don’t get me wrong–chemo SUCKS–but,  it has been my routine for the past few months, and I’m…used to it.  I know what to expect.  I get to sit in the same recliner (my lucky chair!) every week, I love my doctors, I love the nurses and the receptionist.  I love Buddy, the volunteer who brings me graham crackers and knows just how I take my coffee.   I like the atmosphere at the clinic, because it is upbeat and there are smiles everywhere you look–even on the patient’s faces.   Clearview is an excellent place to receive care, and while I know I’ll be back for check-ups, etc…I am about to move on.

I’m graduating Chemo 101 with flying colors, and now they’re moving me to a new clinic with new people and new doctors and I feel so apprehensive about that.  The intellectual part of me knows this is a bit silly–finishing chemo, starting radiation–this is all very good stuff.  I mean, the radiation is the end of my ‘to-do list’.  (wait–getting my port out is the end, but I doubt there will be much apprehension when that little bit comes up-ha.)  I’m all full of dread, though.

I know there is a bright side to this–my hair is going to start to grow back, my taste buds will return, the hot flashes will subside and go away, I’m one step closer to putting this behind me.  I know this.  Moving on is a good thing.  I know it.  But, knowing a thing intellectually and knowing it emotionally is not always an easy thing to do.   It’s a change–and there has been so. much. change. in my life the past 6 months, I should be used to it by now–Change is my new normal.  heh.  New docs, new offices, new procedures, a whole new set of unknowns that I will need to investigate and learn.

The Devil You Know over the Devil You Don’t, eh?

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