a little c

because I refuse to give it a big one

Posts Tagged ‘whinging’

While I have your attention….

Posted by wendy on 2012/01/14

I don't have any relevant shots to post today, so I'll give you this self portrait, instead. If you meet me on the street, please don't mention my huge bulbous red nose. I'm very sensitive about it.

Oh hi, New People.  It’s been super fun to interact with you and meet so many of you during Wendy’s Wild and Ironic Ride on the Meme Train.  (seriously, I love that my complaint about viral updates turned into a viral update.  That was pretty cool.) You’re awesome.  Oh yes, I’m looking right at you when I say it.  Because you know you are.  If you want to stick around, I’ll do my best to keep it interesting around here.  Deal?  Deal.

So, this week, I am the Go-To Girl for snappy retorts to stupid cancer memes on Facebook.  I’m okay with that.  Next week, we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled program of Me Hating My Curly, Curly Hair, and I have a Nutella and Sea Salt Fudge recipe that you  need to try and report back to me–or send to me.   (mmmm, fudge)  But, we’re going to toss out one more meme before we get to that.

We’ve discussed the Facebook cut and paste phenomenon here, and I have mentioned one of the many versions of the following Facebook forward before, but we’ll give this dead horse one more THWACK before we let it go, okay?  A friend of mine–a cancer survivor, no less–received this the other day.  She was torn, because it was sent to her by a friend, and she didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings by telling her how it made her feel.   (so…if none of your cancer warrior friends have complained to you when you send them this stuff?  It is more than likely because they’re concerned about hurting you–so, maybe before you hit send, take a minute and think about their feelings.  Please.)

Let’s all take a minute and just…absorb the next few paragraphs, m’kay?

In support of Breast Cancer Awareness…So we all remember last year’s game of writing your bra color as your status? Or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Last year, so many people took part that it made national news and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the statuses mean…keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message) this to all your female friends! It’s time to confuse the men again (not that it’s really that hard to do ;]) The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the GIRLS ONLY and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went around all over the world. Your status should say: “I am going to________________for___________ months.”

The day you were born should be for how many months you are going.

January–Mexico; February– London; March–Miami; April–Dominican Republic; May–France; June– St Petersburg; July–Austria; August–Germany; September–New York; October–Amsterdam; November– Las Vegas;December–Hawaii

I know so many cancer fighters and survivors who get stuff like this.  I’m one of them–because apparently, people think that since we had cancer–especially breast cancer, because that’s somehow the SEXY cancer (???? Really?),  we’re really appreciate cute and coy ‘don’t tell the boys’ memes about our bras.  Seriously, there are more ‘flirty’ email forwards for breast cancer than I can begin to count.  It’s depressing.  But, that is a rant for another day.  Where was I?

Oh yes.  Many of us don’t complain, because so many times it’s our friends and our family that send these things to us, and we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Well…I’ll will go ahead and be the Bad Guy here.  That’s not okay, y’all.  It’s not . There is NO PART of that email that is okay.  And, don’t you dare say to me “it’s a bit of fun”, because co-oping cancer for flirty fun puts you firmly in the ‘insensitive and clueless’ category.   (Yes, I just called you insensitive and clueless.   Good thing you’re reading this, because now you can move over into the  sensitive and aware category if you choose to do so.)  😉

Even if we try to look past the asinine nature of the meme, “we’re going to raise awareness by keeping it a secret from the men!”–Wait.  No.  No.  I’m sorry, I can’t get past that at all.  Men get breast cancer, too.  MEN GET BREAST CANCER, TOO.  God, people.  GOD.  Nothing in that email  has a single thing to do with cancer.  Nothing.  It’s a game.  It’s a forward.  It’s a meme.  It’s useless.  And, it is by-GOD so insulting to the people who have to fight this disease every day.  If you want to participate in silly Facebook memes, then by all means–do so.  But, how DARE you have the gall to do it under the guise  of “it’s for cancer!”.   How. Dare. You.

The fact that the bra meme ‘went around the world’ is nothing to be proud of, dammit.  You want shame?  That’s a shame, right there.

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , | 47 Comments »

Relief and Gratitude and a House Guest

Posted by wendy on 2011/10/09

I have a mouse.  He is freaking adorable, but he is not allowed to live in my house so the game of Catch or Kill is on.  I prefer “catch”, but if I have to resort to “kill”, I’ll do it, because mice aren’t very good house guests at all.  They use your good towels on their muddy feet, don’t put the little wrappy thing back on the bread, and put empty cartons back in the fridge.  I’m pretty ruthless about empty milk cartons.

I’ve spent the last week in a kind of frenzy of gratitude and excitement and fear.  The fabulous people who particpated in the boobiethon netted me $2,555.  You know,  the ‘thon has taken its fair share of flack over the years, because Komen was the main recipient (and for the boobies)–but, in case anyone ever tries to criticize them because the women who need it don’t benefit–send them to ME.  Send them here:   I am a breast cancer survivor and the Boobie-thon has just paid for the next 4+ months of my COBRA.  I don’t have the proper words to say how much this has meant to me.   I’ve tried thanking everyone who donated to me (I think I thanked a few of you twice–haha) and it feels like it was just this litany of “thank you, I’m overwhelmed, and OH MY GOSH!”.  hahaha.  If I babbled to you, I apologize.  I really was completely overwhelmed.  Thank you Mel for doing such a fantastic job as the organizer, and thank you Statia, for nominating me.  I love you guys so much.   I’d be remiss not to mention that Pete’s image  went up to $350, and my very good friend Jason is also auctioning off a shot for me (it ends Tuesday).  I have such amazing friends.  I really do.

Don't freak out--I was stopped at a red light when I snapped this.

There is a sense of relief that this little bit of attention is kind of over for me now, though.  I have to admit–I felt like HIDING a lot last week.  I have no idea how I suddenly became The Shy Girl, but oh maaan—I just felt so completely undeserving of all of the kindness directed my way.  I couldn’t look at my stats, because I’m so used to the 20 or so people who read this and when there’s suddenly 700 views on your blog…it’s scary to feel so opened up and vulnerable.  I’m not used to it.  🙂  Overwhelmed.

Physically, I’m doing really well.  The hot flashes haven’t gone away completely–but, they have subsided.   I think I had one yesterday.  Hurrah for Effexor!   My hair–much to my chagrin–is very curly.   DO NOT WANT.   Seriously, I actually had a moment yesterday in which I missed my wigs desperately.  I feel terribly ungrateful for disliking my hair, because–helloooo, at least I have hair, right?   WHINGING!  I should stop that.  I’m just super lazy and hate fixing my hair every day.  Seriously I do not get how short hair is easier.  Ponytails are easy.  Massive amounts of hair gel are not.

What a difference a week can make!!!  For reals, people–my biggest complaint about my life right at this second is that I have to fix my hair.  I’m going to stop and just enjoy that for a minute or two.

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

The Tragics

Posted by wendy on 2011/08/31

I can barely lift my arms as I type this post (new BodyPump release–ow ow ow), but I must update, cause cool stuff is happening this week!  I saw my radiologist yesterday, and she pronounced the boobage free of any signs of fibrosis or any other hinky stuff, so I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS.  Can we all say YES!! together?  Cause..YES!!   There was a cute moment when the receptionist asked me if I preferred morning  or afternoon and I was all “Um…next February?  I have no idea what I’m going to be doing next February–I don’t even have a 2012 calendar yet.  hee.”

Tragic!!! Although, not so tragic that I didn't bother to put on lipstick before taking my picture.

I actually have loads of appointments to make this week.  Tomorrow, I have my baseline PET scan, then I see my oncologist on Friday.  (The camera is down at OMI, so my PET scan has been put off til Tuesday. ) I have to set up an  appointment with my gynecologist and then set up my next mammogram and it feels like a LOT of doctor-type stuff is happening, but there is a bit of comfort in knowing that the majority of what I have ahead of me is really just routine stuff.  There is a small bit of fear attached to the routine stuff now (WHATIFITCOMESBACK??) …but, I’m not going to dwell on it or let it overtake me.

I had a wonderful time away, and while I am suffering from a tiny bit of jetlag and a very large case of The Tragics (which consists of a lot of sighing and laying around looking like someone stole the stripes out of my peppermints), I’m doing pretty well.  My zenfolio subscription expires tomorrow, and I will not be renewing, (because food comes before internet toys), so I will take this time to thank everyone who bought an image from me, or passed the link along so someone else could.  Seriously, you guys helped me  more than I can say.

There is so much wrong in my life right now that the enormity of it occasionally crushes me, but there is also so much in my life that is right and good and wonderful….and I really do believe the good outweighs the bad.  It nearly always has.

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Fresh Out of Miracles

Posted by wendy on 2011/06/29

I find myself hesitant to complain here.  I’m not sure why, it’s not like I don’t enjoy a good whine, because helloooo–I totally do.  It’s just when it comes to ‘real things’, I generally try to keep a good attitude.  I find that keeping the faith, so to speak, is a good thing.  It gets me through tough times, it makes my treatment go faster–I feel better.  And..eh.  I hate whining about money.  I’ve always managed to get by somehow on my own, and for the first time in my life, I’m just…I’m hitting a wall that offers no way around, over or under.  And, hey, that’s what this blog is for, right?  Documenting how I feel and what I did.

I feel like I’ve been pulling miracles out of thin air for the past 8 months, and now…it’s just not happening.  The financial burden of cancer is such an immense and overwhelming thing (and I’m pretty sure that every cancer patient you talk to has to deal with this on some level) when you’re alone.

I lost my job around the same time this hit, and I had to pick up Cobra to keep my insurance going–I know I should feel lucky about that, and I suppose I do–except when I’m forking over that $459 check every month.  Then, I just wish I lived in one of those fabulous ‘socialist’ countries where health care is free.  I actually cannot have an objective conversation about healthcare with anyone because I am so overwhelmed by bills that I occasionally cannot breath (hello to the Xanax prescription).

So, I lost my day job, and my ‘night job’ became my full-time gig.  It felt like a Godsend, really.  Working at home when you’re having major surgery and going through chemotherapy is a very, very good thing, because even when I couldn’t get out of bed, I could pull up my laptop and work.   I’ve been working two jobs the past several months, and it’s kept us afloat, but now, thanks to the douchebag hackers at lulz, one of those jobs is in danger of going away.  I’ve grown attached to things like, oh–having a house, and eating every day.  I have no idea how I’ll keep those things up–hell, I have no idea how I’m going to keep paying COBRA every month, so how exactly do I finish my treatments if this happens?  Gah.  Whinge, whinge, whinge, panic, panic, panic.  This is totally one of those times that I would love to just pull the “but I have caaaaaaaaaaancer” card and let someone else deal with it.  Sadly, there is no one else.  Only me.

Hacking into a major corporation and shutting down its websites–an internet prank to them…a matter of life and death to some of the people affected by it.  I generally try not to wish bad things on other people, but in this case?  I really do hope that karma is a bitch.  Really.

So, today, I am not sunshine and roses.  Maybe I’ll pull a Scarlett and not think about any of this until tomorrah…at Tara, where I will,   as God is mah witness, nevah go hungry again!

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Combustible Lemons.

Posted by wendy on 2011/05/04

Tomorrow is Chemo #8!  I can’t believe it’s my very last chemo.  There is a surreal haze surrounding me this week.  The final chemo, and then next week, I leave for 2 glorious weeks in England with M and I keep thinking…”Really?  REALLY?  That’s madness, because I cannot be finished and I am certainly not well enough to travel!”.  And, yet…there you go.  Done and leaving.

In the realm of “Are you kidding me?”–I am lamenting the very recent loss of my eyebrows and eyelashes.  (they’re not entirely gone–there’s just enough left of each to look really, really stupid.  grrr.)  I’m a bit disappointed this didn’t happen earlier, because I was kind of thinking that the end of chemo meant this would all start growing back (and it IS growing back on my head–I have a very fine layer of down covering my head at the moment), and I was so relieved that I, at least, kept my eyebrows.  Ah, well.  There goes my ability to look surprised or super angry. Unless I draw it in, and if I do that, I’ll have to decide on a mood and keep it all day–and where’s the fun in that?  Maybe I need to invest in some stick-on eyebrows so I can switch it up as my mood changes.

I’m bald.   I have half of an eyebrow over each eye.  Most of my eyelashes are gone.  But, I have to shave my legs every. single.day.  There has to be someone I can complain to about this, because I am so planning to give all these damn lemons back:

Posted in a little bit of c | Tagged: , , , , , , | 8 Comments »